Fourteen Ways To Prepare For A Puppy
1. Pour warm apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
2. Using a blender, shred the toe-end of one of your good dress socks and wear it to work.
3. Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the dark and rain and say, "Be a good puppy, Go potty now, please potty. C'mon, let's go potty."
4. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair. Using light hair for your dark clothes and dark hair for you light clothes.
5. Float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.
6. Play "catch" using a wet and smelly tennis ball.
7. Run out in the rain or snow barefoot to close the gate.
8. Tip over a basket of clean laundry and scatter the clothing all over the dirty floor.
9. Leave your underwear in the center of the living room floor, especially when company is coming.
10. During the best part of your favorite TV program, wildly jump out of your chair, dash from the room and shout, "NO, NO! Do that outside!" and miss the rest of your program.
11. Mix up some chocolate pudding and plop it onto the carpet in the morning. Do not attempt to clean it up until after you get home from work in the evening.
12. Using a screwdriver, make several deep gouges in the leg of your beautiful dining room table.
13. Now, using a plier, see just how far you can twist your expensive prescription sunglasses until they break.
14. Take a warm, cuddly blanket out of the dryer. Immediately wrap it around yourself. That's the feeling you'll get when your exhausted puppy finally falls asleep on your lap.
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